Wall of Tears...

So the title pretty much tells it all.
I saw my dad tonight.
Not my "biological" father.
My "He's always been there for me accepts me for who I am
tells me the truth from him and God who will always love me forever" Dad..
I miss him [Wes] and Carrie so much!
See,
He was our youth pastor..
For years he poured into us.
Cared about us.
Went out on limbs for us.
Cried with us!
Encouraged us.
Built us up.
Then God called them to be missionaries...
And then they were gone...
I hadn't seen them in almost two years..
I did tonight..
And I'm literally holding back a wall of tears as I write this.
Where did the fire go?
Where did the passion go?
Where did God go?
When did the youth group stop letting him in?
Why does the new youth pastor [his name is Wes too] not seem to reach for it?
For The Spirit. For the Fire. For More.
I have much too many questions..
I know this.
And I never meant for this blog to turn into a rant.
Or maybe I did.
I'm not really sure.
All I know is.. well.. That I don't know.
Anything.
Other than that God still loves me and has a plan.
And..
Dad and Carrie still love me too!
I love them so much!!
I didn't even realize how much I missed them.
Their hugs.
Their voices.
Their love.
They really love me.
I really love them...
And I miss the... Everything!
I miss belonging somewhere..
Being needed, wanted, and loved somewhere.
I don't know where to turn.
Maybe I should.. I don't know.
I don't.
I really don't.