I AM the crushing force..

He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me
He loves me and wants to be with me

I don't even know how many times he said it..
That's how much he did.
And I couldn't feel anything.
I was completely numb.
And.. I think I might still have feelings
for someone else, someone that was before Joe..
And I was so numb, I couldn't even feel that!
And I didn't know what to do..
And I continued to not feel a thing,
even through his breaking down,
until he told me he had been in the hospital
TWICE this week.
And I had no idea.
No one contacted me.
Then I cried a little.
Is that the best I can do?!
Crying a little??
I never thought I'd get so low..
To the point where I'm the one causing all the pain.
No matter what I say or don't say,
It happens.
It did happen.
It will happen.
I don't deserve to make it through,
Or be happy, at this point.
I would gladly sacrifice this existence,
For a couple others to have their happiness back.
To have it and keep it.
But I don't get to do that, do I?
No.
I'll have to live with this, constantly knowing,
That all I do is hurt the people that love me most.
And even by warning them to stay away,
I'm sure that will hurt as well.
But maybe not as much as it would in the long run of sticking by me.