Walking in the rain...

Today was something special.
I'm not sure how to explain it, exactly.
It seemed like a turning point, somehow.
I'm not sure in which direction I have turned..
Just that I have.

I do know one thing for sure;
When she says it's oh kay,
It's not.
When she says she's oh kay,
She's not.
No matter what I do,
It will get worse.
It's impending.
She needs me now more than ever but..
I feel that she's recoiling.
It's because of the other one...
Well.. Not him, exactly.
Me.
My choices.
They are fine.
She and I are fine.
He and I are fine.
But we.. WE are not fine.
Not at all.
And of course she wouldn't tell me..
She wouldn't say anything is wrong.
That I'm in the way.
That she would rather I wasn't there.
No.
No of course not.
She wouldn't want to hurt me.
And maybe she doesn't even realize it's me.
Hasn't put the pieces together yet.
But she will.
And I don't know what will come of us then.
I just don't know.

Tonight was lovely.
I had a good time..
Besides feeling like a thorn in her side..
I did have fun.
I actually feel guilty.
I realized this.
I. Feel. Guilty.
Why?
I just do.
Back to the point..
Youth in Keno was great..
William and Luke are hilarious.
They walked me home in the rain,
And swore to wear purple suit
And top hat tomorrow.
And maybe a tux. :D
We'll see.

It's impending.
It's all impending.
It's a storm that's waiting to break
And crash all about me.
Reinforcing strong holds
And tearing down bridges.
It's impending.
Tonight there was only a shower...
Ah but it was lovely..
I can only hope, pray, for more like this one..