Overdose Maybe? [:

Alright..
I know this is my third one of the... Morning.
Haha!
Ahh.. It's morning already!
Silly me!
Anyways..

I know this is the third one in a row..
But I just keep thinking!
I can't turn it off..

I just read through all my previous posts.
There are kind of a lot of them.
Like, masses.
It's crazy.
I can be so passionate.
I COULD be so passionate.
I'm sure I still am..
But mostly lately I'm just dramatic.

I wrote so many blogs to/about
My ex boyfriend.
It's crazy.
I thought I was totally in love with him.
I know I loved him.
But I also know that we weren't meant for more.
I miss him.
I miss talking to him.
But somehow it just isn't the same anymore.
He's going to Tennessee after all..
It's so strange.
Our whole plan..
He could have been with me..
Now he has to go there.
It isn't the same.. Hmm..
The thing is,
I know that I can't be the same with him.
I know that I have to guard myself.
I know that he isn't mine.
And he needs to know that.
I can't let him believe he has a chance at love.
A chance with me, that is.
He will have the right kind.. Some day.
That is, if he allows it to happen.
I was reading all those old blogs
And realizing how unhealthy the whole thing was.
I learned a lot, it's true,
But it's a good thing it's over.

I just really hate that it's February.
I'm not sure why I care..
I guess because..
Despite it all I desire that perfect love.
That one that goes together.
That one that God puts together.
I want to be with someone.
I know it's all timing but..
I'm so tired of waiting.
How strange is it for an 18 year-old
To want this?
I'm not asking for marriage right away..
But something that will lead there..
Well, that would be nice.

And I know it's silly,
But I want to be the girl that gets roses.
I want to go for walks in the middle the night
Or sit on a blanket in the grass
Just to be with that one person.
Just to be.
I want that.
And Valentine's Day just reminds me.
It just reminds me that people are buying things.
That it's not the things I want
That some people are using it as an excuse to get laid.
That it's over-commercialized.
I know all that..
It's just a nice thought.
It's a nice thing to think about.
Love and kisses and hugs and sweet things.
Not even things.
Just thoughts.
A look in that sweet, sweet boy's eyes.
That one that tells you everything.
I got a different look tonight..
I got the look that says all of the above..
That said all of that doesn't exist.
Somehow.. I have to believe that it does.
I just have to.

I'm not being the most eloquent tonight.
I just think I'm all thunk out.
Haha!
Imagine that.. Thinking on an empty tank!
I need to go to sleep..
I have to get up tomorrow.
Ha!
Yeah.. As opposed to the days I don't get up?
Yeah I know.. Verrrry funny!
Well.. I thought it was.
And Luke seemed to, as well.

I know it was a joke earlier..
That book: Pregnancy for Dummies.
But.. I'm so glad I'm not a teen mummy.
I'm so glad I'm not alone and scared
With a baby growing inside me.
I know I'll be a mum someday,
If it's what God has for me,
But I want it to be the right way..
Married and in love..
I feel so bad for all those little girls..
Little girls that have to raise a child.
Children raising children.
It's sad, really.
Feeling unloved and unwanted and unworthy.
My life is good, really.
I need to remember that.